


Dear Lilli,

by thespian_trash



Series: Book of (Mormon) Oneshots [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Gen, lil bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 20:58:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13151922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thespian_trash/pseuds/thespian_trash
Summary: Chris "Poptarts" Thomas and his older sister Lilli have always had a loving brother/sister relationship. The two are always sharing inside jokes, pulling pranks on each other, and jamming out to their favorite tunes. It seems like they can tell each other anything, and sometimes they even joke that they've developed a special psychic bond with each other. But lately, Poptarts is starting to worry that he has a secret he can't even share with his best friend in the whole world...





	Dear Lilli,

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for 2017's Book of Mormon Secret Santa, and had a blast! It was my first time writing for this fandom, and I'm definitely considering doing it again! Please pleeease leave a comment if you have anything to say, especially if you have any advice about how to fix my title/summary (neither are my strong suit!). Thanks xx

“Whatcha doooooin?” my sister squeaked, quoting one of our favorite Disney shows. She moved gracefully (as always) across the room and rested her elbows on the back of the couch to peek over my shoulder.

“Ugh…” I turned my face toward hers in despair. “I’m on my third college search of the week. This sucks, I’m so stressed out!”

“Aw, I’m sorry bro,” Lilli ruffled my hair like she always used to, flashing me an empathetic smile. “To be fair, you still have…what? Two, three years before college? Quit worrying about it and let yourself be a kid.”

“I’m fifteen, Lilli,” I glared at her jokingly.

“Be an emo teen then. But have fun while you’re at it!” She winked and we both laughed at the idea of me being an “emo teen”. Lilli hopped over the couch and sat cross-legged next to me, dangling a Poptarts box in front of my widening eyes.

“Lilli! You didn’t tell me Dad picked up more!”

She giggled suspiciously, her blonde curls falling across her cheeks. “No, I didn’t. I wanted to take half the package before someone ate them all and left the empty box in the cabinet!”

I refused to give in to her accusations and instead opted for snatching the box out of her hands and proceeding to shove huge bites of Poptarts into my salivating mouth. Lilli laughed my display, backing up slightly so she wouldn’t fall victim to the sugary crumbs flying from my mouth. “You. Are. Such. A. Pig!” she exclaimed, and what could I do but nod?

After my Poptart-shovelling had slowed to a steady graze, Lilli piped up again. “Hey Poptarts, about this college search, I thought you were going to BYU. What, you don’t want to go to the same school as your big, bad sister?” Can’t compete with me?” she raised her unruly eyebrows and I gave her a light punch to the shoulder.

“No…it’s just…” my eyes turned down to my open laptop and I swallowed my last bite of sugary, processed goodness. “It’s always been ‘predestined’ or whatever that I’m going to go to go on a mission and go to BYU and meet a nice girl and get a job and have kids and whatever. Which is…fine…I just…want to explore other options, ya know?”

Lilli’s eyes met mine and she smiled comfortingly at me. “Yeah, I know. I get that. You’ll figure out what the right thing to do is soon enough. And whatever you do, I know you’ll be great at it. You always are, little bro.”

I smiled back, grateful that my sister was so understanding and ready to support me, no matter what. I could really tell her anything. And there was something I’d been needing to tell someone for a while.

My thoughts were interrupted by Lilli holding up the remote and suggesting we watch a show together. I nodded. Our talk could wait. For now, I settled for burrowing myself in the couch, shutting my laptop, and finishing the last Poptart crumbs as Lilli turned on Friends.

* * *

“Hurry uuuuuup Poptarts, I wanted to leave an hour ago!” Lilli wailed from the car as I stepped out the front door.

“Jesus, Lilli, I’m coming!”

“Language!” she scolded, unlocking the passenger door for me.

“Geeze,” I corrected myself, sliding into the car, excited for our little road trip. We were both off on spring break and decided to head up to our favorite camping spot a few days before our parents would join us. It was only about three hours away, but it seemed like such a different world up there. The lake was crystal clear; the nearby town was so cute and picturesque; the fresh mountain air cleared your mind; the majestic trees made it easy to forget we were surrounded by desert. All in all, it was probably my favorite place in the world.

“Alright Poptarts, you’re DJing this trip, what’ll it be?” Lilli asked. I pulled out my iPhone and pressed play on the nostalgic playlist I’d prepared. ‘I Would Walk 500 Miles’ started playing from the speakers and I rolled down my window to let in the fresh spring air.

“Appropriate,” Lilli gave her nod of approval and backed out of the driveway.

Two hours and half the Forrest Gump soundtrack later, Lilli stopped the car at a rest stop along the highway and we got out to stretch our legs and enjoy the view. At this point along the trip, we were completely in the mountains, and the strong scent of pine made me dizzy with delight. The river that we’d been following to our destination swelled high and rushed loudly with snowmelt. Between that and the cars speeding behind us, Lilli and I had to yell to hear each other. Still, it was beautiful.

After munching on a few Poptarts, Lilli and I got back in the car, ready to finish our journey. I let Lilli jam out to ‘The Promise’ before I turned down the volume and took a deep breath. There was something I’d been thinking incessantly about for the entirety of the trip (not to mention the past few years). Now was as good a time as any, and if I didn’t say it now, I probably never would.

“I think I’m gay,” I blurted out. I was absolutely terrified now that the words seemed to hang in the space between us. Lilli’s face didn’t give away any hint at what she might be thinking, but her eyes flickered over to me for a just second before making their way back to the winding road ahead of us. I always thought there was something comforting about deep conversations and confessions in the car, because neither of you have to look at each other. She stretched a hand out to squeeze mine reassuringly, before placing it back on the steering wheel.

“That’s great Poptarts,” she smiled genuinely, and my heart seemed to lift. “Thank you so much for telling me, that was very brave of you. I’m so proud to be your sister.” She turned to look at me, and I could tell she would hug me if she wasn’t driving. “Do you want me to pull over?” she asked, presumably to do just that.

“No, that’s okay,” I smiled back, relieved and revelling in it. “I’m just so glad you’re not mad at me.”

Lilli looked concerned now. “Why would I be mad at you? There’s nothing wrong with being gay. That’d be like me getting mad at you for being addicted to Poptarts.”

I laughed a little bit. “But you do get mad at me for being addicted to Poptarts.”

“Bad example,” she chuckled. “Like getting mad at you for having blond hair, how about that?”

“Better,” I agreed. “I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay but…I don’t know, a lot of people at church—even Mom and Dad—it doesn’t seem like they’d be okay with it, ya know?”

Lilli sighed, brushing back a strand of blonde hair. “Yeah, I know. But listen, they don’t know what they’re talking about. They’re just spitting back crap they’ve been told all their lives, and haven’t ever taken the time to realize that none of it makes any sense. We’re Mormons! We’re supposed to be the ‘shining city on a hill’: a beacon of love and acceptance. I don’t know why so many of us are homophobic, but not all of us are, Poptarts. I’m sure you’ll find other people besides me who will understand and love you for who you are.”

“I know,” I sighed. “It’s just…it seems so hard.”

“It will be hard,” Lilli agreed. “But you’re the strongest person I know. You can do this!”

“You’re the strongest person I know,” I argued. We both sat in comfortable silence for a moment: The Doors playing in the background.

“Sooo…” Lilli finally piped up, rounding the corner into a beautiful open landscape. “You got a crush on anyone?” I could almost hear the twinkle in her eye.

I blushed furiously. “Yeah, uh, his name is Trevor.”

“Trevor! Trevor Bryson? Ooh, he’s cute.” I took that as a sign that I had her approval. “And isn’t he like some kind of tennis prodigy? And head of his class?” I nodded to both. “Wow, Poptarts, when you go for ‘em, you really go for ‘em,” she laughed. Her voice lowered a bit, “You think you have a chance with him?”

I frowned. “You think I have a chance with anyone? How many gay Mormon boys do you know?” I took Lilli’s silence as a bad sign. “Exactly.”

“You never know. Maybe you’ll meet someone on your mission, or in college, or…” Lilli seemed to remember my indecisiveness about the future, “…whenever.”

“I hope so,” I sighed, admiring the passing scenery.

We spent the rest of the trip chatting every now and then, but mostly jamming out to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ and other such “bangers” as my sister deemed them. It felt so good to finally have someone know what I had begun to think of as my deepest, darkest secret. And to have her not only accept me, but be rooting for me? It felt amazing. I started to tear up a little. I truly had the best sister in the whole wide world.

* * *

“Lillian Rose Thomas,” the announcer’s voice boomed across the stadium and our family let out a chorus of congratulatory shouts, applause, and noisemakers. I like to think I shouted the loudest, cheering on my big sister as she gracefully mounted the stage and accepted her high school diploma.

We patiently waited for the rest of the names to be called, and rushed over to Lilli when the ceremony was officially over. Our mom got great pictures of Lilli and her entourage of teary friends, and when Lilli was finally free, I gave her the biggest bear-hug I could muster: so proud of her for making it to this day, and so sad to know that she’d be off to college at the end of the summer.

“I love you, Lilli, congratulations!” I told her, still holding tight.

“I love you too, Poptarts! You’re such a great brother.”

“Smile!” our mother interrupted, and I let go, striking my go-to picture pose: holding up a peace sign and wrapping my other arm around Lilli’s shoulder. I was almost taller than her.

The rest of the day was filled with many tearful pictures and stories about what Lilli used to be like as a child. We hosted the entire extended family at our house for pasta and ice cream cake (Lilli’s favorite). When I graduate, I thought, I’m going to have a Poptarts-themed cake. Lilli laughed when I told her, and said it’d suit me.

After everyone left, Lilli and I sat at the kitchen table, counting all the graduation-money she received and making a list of names to send thank-you notes to.

“Woah, Poptarts, look at all this!” Lilli exclaimed, once she had it all together. She took the massive amount of cash and started fanning herself with it.

“Oh my God!” I cried, correcting myself upon Lilli’s glare. “Oh em gosh! That’s like, enough to buy the entire Poptarts section at Walmart!”

Lilli rolled her eyes. “Or, it’s enough to make sure I don’t end up an indebted college student.”

“That too,” I smirked. “Wow, Lilli, I just…can’t believe you’re going off to college.”

“Me neither,” she sighed. “But don’t worry. I’ll be back every chance I get. Got to make sure I keep my little brother in line.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

“Come here,” Lilli scooted back her chair and opened her arms for a hug. I obeyed and let myself be sad that I wouldn’t see this ray of sunshine every day, once the summer was over. We pulled back and Lilli’s fine blue eyes met mine. “No matter how far away I am, Poptarts, or how long I’ve been gone, I’m always here for you, kay? And I love you. So, so much.”

* * *

_Dear Lilli,_

_It’s been more than a year since…well, since I last saw you. I want you to know that I miss you so much, and that I still think about you all the time. Every time I see a ballet dancer, I think of you. Mom took me to see The Nutcracker last December. You would have loved it. Even more than that, you would have been great in it._

_I just got my mission location. Looks like I’m going to Uganda. I’m a little scared, but who wouldn’t be? I heard the district leader there is really nice. I’m looking forward to meeting him. Anyways, I uh…I love you. I wish you were here. I could really use you right now._

_XOXO_  
_Poptarts_

* * *

_Dear Lilli,_

_Just arrived in Kitguli, Uganda yesterday. Mom and Dad said they were sorry to see me go, but I think they’re looking forward to selling the house and travelling the country in the RV._

_It’s really stinking hot here. You’d hate it. But the people seem really nice. I’ve only met a few of the villagers so far, and they can be a bit rough around the edges, but they ultimately seem like pretty cool people._

_The elders are awesome! My mission companion ended up bailing, so I got paired with the mission leader! How cool is that? His name is Connor McKinley and he’s great. Between you and me, he’s suuuuuper cute. He has the cutest dimples and really nice red hair. :) I can’t wait to get to know him better._

_Everyone here, elders and villagers alike, they all call me Poptarts. I thought you’d like to know that. The nickname was your creation after all, and I just…couldn’t let it go. It feels kind of weird to have other people besides you call me that, but I’m getting used to it._

_I miss you, Lilli. This mission would be a lot easier if I knew that you’d be waiting for me once I’m done. It should do me some good, though, to take a few years off and help these Africans._

_XOXO_  
_Poptarts_

* * *

_Dear Lilli,_

_Turns out Uganda is kind of a bust. The people here are a lot harder to convert than I thought they were going to be. We’ve tried everything we learned at the mission training center, and then some. Connor…er…Elder McKinley’s getting really frustrated, but I don’t know how to help him. At least we’re getting two more missionaries here in a few days. Maybe they’ll be able to help the situation. For now, we just kind of sit around talking and playing board games with the villagers. There’s not much else to do._

_I bet if you were here, you’d know what to do. You always had that magic touch, especially when it came to anything church-related. I wish I was half as good as this as you’d be. Then maybe we might actually have some success down here in little ol’ District Nine._

_Anyways, it’s getting late. Don’t want to break curfew. I love you._  
_XOXO_  
_Poptarts_

* * *

“Whatcha doin?” Elder McKinley strolls into our shared bedroom, plopping himself down on his bed and beginning to undress. I admire the way his fingers deftly loosen his baby blue tie.

“Not much, just writing a letter,” I answer nonchalantly, putting away my journal and getting ready for bed.

“Who to?” Elder McKinley asks. “Got a girlfriend?” his voice raises a notch.

I blush at the thought. “No, just my sister,” I reply.

“Oh,” he smiles. “I didn’t know you had a sister.”

“I did,” I frown a bit, still not quite used to talking about Lilli in the past tense.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” McKinley apologizes sincerely.

“It’s okay,” I say, and I mean it.

“What was she like?” he asks, and my spirit lifts a bit.

“Well first of all, she was the happiest and kindest person I know. She was also incredibly smart and talented. She wanted to be a dancer and perform on Broadway. She could have done it, you know. She was that good. I always picture her as Christine from Phantom of the Opera. And she was so loving and understanding. I could talk to her about everything. She was probably my best friend before…” I didn’t realize I had started crying. This is probably the first time I’ve talked about her since she died, and it shows.

“Come here,” McKinley opens up his arms, beckoning for a hug, just like Lilli used to. I sit down next to him and he lets me cry into his chest, rubbing small circles on my back. My voice hitches every now and then, although whether it’s from the crying or the cute boy holding me, I don’t know.

After a while, I sit up, bleary-eyed, and Elder McKinley hands me a tissue. “Thank you, Connor,” I say gently, “for everything.”

“Of course, Poptarts,” he smiles tenderly. Then he leans in and kisses me on the forehead, and my heart does flips in my chest and my stomach is suddenly invaded by an infestation of butterflies. I beam up at him, and I’m the happiest I’ve been since my days with Lillian.


End file.
